[tweetmeme source=”elizabethev” only_single=false] Clark’s a bit like a shark smelling blood when it comes to new dog toys. If he senses the slightest weakness in form or construction, he goes in for the kill. His attacks are merciless, swift and proceeded with little– if any– warning. I’ve taken to hiding his tortured toys, waiting for the perfect moment to sneak past him and make a dash for the trash room. Unfortunately, it seems I did more hiding than dashing. In the meantime, Clark has amassed quite the island of misfit toys. Bear in mind, nearly each toy was labeled “indestructible.”
It would seem our French Fry saw that as a challenge. And his bat ears rose to the occasion each time.
One by one, these poor things met the dumpster today– each one more disturbing than the one before. First went the squeaky toys. As soon as Clark honed in on the squeaker’s location, these toys were as good as busted.
Then came the toys with tails. If we were on LOST, these would be the Tailies of the group. I’m guessing Clark just thought he was following orders, seeing as his own tailed was cropped as a puppy (the tail cropping and tattoo came long before we brought him home). Again, these are pitbull-rated indestructible toys.
You’d think for a dog with such large ears, he’d respect a hippo’s right to hear. You’d also be over-thinking the situation.
This sweet little lion isn’t raising his hand because he has a question. He’s just had his innards ripped out through his armpit. The horror!
I liked that lion. And theeeeeen there’s this thing. Frankly, I was happy when he went after this tennis ball raccoon tail amalgamation. Imagine coming across this freakish thing in a dark corner of your kitchen. If I had a pest control person on speed dial, I would have speed dialed him or her. Once I was done screaming.
I am guessing these guys would scream too. If they had mouths. Maybe this is how the real dinosaurs went extinct: they got mauled by a roving pack of wild French bulldogs. Probably not.
Like all the other tear-proof toys in Clark’s bin, this seahorse did not stand a chance. I am sure taking a picture counts as enabling. In other words, this is all my fault.
I’ve learned a lot in my first year of dog ownership. Like, it’s extremely hard to look cute while you’re picking up dog crap (pardon me). And fish formulas might be good for your dog, what with the Omega-3s and all, but they smell like decaying barnacles. Also, buying dog toys based on packaging and cuteness alone is a gigantic waste of money. There are very few things Clark Vegas will not destroy– it’s all trial and error, my friends. Unfortunately, one of the few chew “toys” that make the cut these days is a raw bone. They make this vegetarian want to faint, cry and hide in the closet all at the same time.
Raw bones, despite their extreme revoltingness, are quite good for dogs. They’re safer than cooked bones (less chance for choking or splintering), help to clean the woofer’s teeth, and apparently they’re delicious (like, for the dog). And there’s no way to really ruin a bone. Or there is, but that’s sort of the point. He also digs toys made out of seatbelt material, most rubber chews (though they’re not very interesting nor cuddly), and the occasional stick that he somehow manages to sneak into the condo building.
But at the end of the day, and after several trips to the trash room carrying armfuls of broken down toys whilst trying to appear not-crazy to the neighbors, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Clark makes our home a little hairier, a lot more interesting, and a heck of a lot more fun.
Also On Tap for Today:
- Time to arrange the books on our brand new bookshelves and break out the Christmas decorations (I am freaking out, man!)
- Run 6 miles
- Happy Vacation, sister and Z! 🙂
What makes the place where you live feel like home?
Comments (9)
Melissa
December 9, 2010 at 9:44 pm
My corgi lays on his belly with the same little frog legs…but has a much longer body. Clark is so cute even if he has a destructive nature. Poor dog toys! I bet he’s looking forward to tearing his Christmas presents apart.
Toronto Girl West
December 10, 2010 at 12:45 am
Bwahahahah! This post killed me! 😛
I have a year old teddy bear dog (shihtzu and bichon frise mix) that loves to destroy toys. She gets a perverse joy out of it. In fact, recently I gave her a really cute purple elephant. A couple of days ago she brought me an elephant leg. No body attached.
Strangely enough that dismembered leg is now her favourite! 😉
Anywho – like you and despite all the items she’s destroyed – I would never go back to life without her!
Emily
December 10, 2010 at 10:49 am
I’m all too familiar with the plush toy graveyard. I started sewing toys back together but I am seriously lacking skills in that department.
Tweets that mention Today: The land of misfit (dog) toys. « — Topsy.com
December 10, 2010 at 2:23 pm
[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Elizabeth , Elizabeth . Elizabeth said: Today: The land of misfit (dog) toys.: http://wp.me/pySBS-L8 […]
Enid Reggie
December 13, 2010 at 8:59 pm
A belated thank you for the vaca shout out. I’m so sad about Clark’s rhino…he’s my favorite and probably/definitely featured along side your little buddy on my computer backdrop.
Elizabeth
December 15, 2010 at 5:52 pm
That’s a triceratops. Rhinos are not dinos. Also I lied about throwing these things out. For Christmas, I am giving you a bunch of busted dog toys.
Today: While I’m 29 (and superfine). «
March 8, 2011 at 6:29 pm
[…] I would have loved to check off every item on my list, but LBS*… I was pretty busy doing other rad stuff while I was 28. Like traveling to Haiti, Mexico, Maine, Florida, the Cape (obvi) and New York. And running my bum off (except that most of it’s still there). And playing construction supervisor. And throwing away half-eaten dog toys. […]
Today: Turn two. «
June 28, 2011 at 12:25 pm
[…] The land of misfit (dog) toys […]
Today: A place for everything. «
August 30, 2011 at 8:45 pm
[…] has amassed quite the toy collection, despite his best efforts to eat each one, limb by piddly limb. I bought this Martha Stewart toy bin when her pets line debuted at PetSmart. Though the hen […]