[tweetmeme source=”elizabethev” only_single=false]I woke up this morning and thought, Oh good. We’re still alive. Nick and I took Clark for a nice long walk around Castle Island and then to BYOD for a much needed oatmeal bath. That little dude gets stinky in a hurry (Clark, not Nick). His natural b.o. takes on four distinct phases.
Phase 1: Clean dog
Phase 2: Cool Ranch Doritos
Phase 3: Did you eat a entire sea lion?
Phase 4: “Toxic” by Britney Spears
This cycle takes any where from several days to several weeks to complete, but by the time Phase 4 hits, I fully believe that Rapture is upon us. We then took a stroll around the SOWA market and a few stores in the South End before meeting my parents and sister for dinner at one of our favorite restaurants. After a heavenly day in the neighborhood, we found ourselves dining in hell. Our server made mistake after mistake before we learned, as I suspected, this was his first night on the job.
I remember my own first night waitressing, as a nineteen year old on the Cape. I was training with the scariest waitress in the restaurant (she made no less than three of my co-workers cry that summer), and was charged with bringing salads out to a table of college-aged guys. I had memorized who ordered which dressing, balanced my tray and set out for the dining room. And then I dumped an entire cup of balsamic vinegar directly onto one of their laps. When I reached for a clean napkin, completely mortified, the training server boomed “Do not even think about touching his crotch!” It’s a miracle I didn’t die or, at least, faint. For the record, my plan was simply to apologize and hand over the napkin. I’ve never made a habit of touching people inappropriately.
When I finally moved beyond the training phase (I think that first night set me back a bit), I was pleased one night to have a big party of adults sat in my section. Apparently one of the hostesses missed a few of the specials menus when swapping them out, so when the two ladies seated farthest away from me both ordered the “second special from the top,” they expected to be served the previous night’s haddock. Instead they each ended up with a full rack of ribs. I need to enlist the help of two other waitresses to bring those honking things out.
The entire table completely freaked out, and left without paying. Technically, they left a penny, which I quickly learned to be old people speak for GFY, but needless to say, one cent does not pay for one, let alone two racks of ribs. That table’s meal was deducted from my earnings, which meant it cost me money to work that night. For the rest of the summer, I demanded that customers ordering from the specials menu describe their desired meal in gross detail.
I did my best to make money, rather than owe money, at the end of each shift, and so it didn’t take very long to develop a hierarchy of desirable customers. No offense to old ladies– I very much intend to become one in thirty years– but a pair of old women was at the bottom of the list. A close second were tourist families with children. Neither groups tipped well, and the latter often left behind a wake of Cheerios, broken crayons and drool. Anyone who brought their own solar-powered calculator was bad news. I learned a lot that summer, including that I am not cut out to be a waitress.
I have a feeling our server might be learning a similar lesson tonight.
Sucks you got bad service, but this post was amazing!
Within my first few weeks of working at a high end restraunt/wine bar, a bunch of VIPs came in and I proceeded to spill 8 glasses of water all over 2 people. I was mortified, but the tray I was using was super super slippery. Ugg, I still cringe at that story!!
I also love the steps of stinkiness… Lance is guilty of all 4 too..
Hehe Sadie gets stinky when she doesnt swim multiple times each week – but she generally smells pretty lady-like. Her breath is an entirely different story.
Comments (3)
Erin
May 22, 2011 at 11:19 pm
aww now I’m all nostalgic for Harwich MA. I love when you talk about the Cape!
Jessica @ Dairy Free Betty
May 23, 2011 at 12:12 am
Sucks you got bad service, but this post was amazing!
Within my first few weeks of working at a high end restraunt/wine bar, a bunch of VIPs came in and I proceeded to spill 8 glasses of water all over 2 people. I was mortified, but the tray I was using was super super slippery. Ugg, I still cringe at that story!!
I also love the steps of stinkiness… Lance is guilty of all 4 too..
Emily @ A Cambridge Story
May 23, 2011 at 1:20 pm
Hehe Sadie gets stinky when she doesnt swim multiple times each week – but she generally smells pretty lady-like. Her breath is an entirely different story.