{"id":7449,"date":"2013-02-26T06:44:01","date_gmt":"2013-02-26T10:44:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ontapfortoday.com\/?p=7449"},"modified":"2013-02-25T23:16:10","modified_gmt":"2013-02-26T03:16:10","slug":"today-be-a-better-listener","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ontapfortoday.com\/2013\/02\/26\/today-be-a-better-listener\/","title":{"rendered":"Today: Be a better listener."},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I pride myself on being a good listener. \u00a0Sometimes I think people on public transportation can sense that about me. \u00a0Oh, and the RMV. \u00a0People always think I am a good listener at the RMV. \u00a0That’s how I end up on the wrong end of a monologue about that time Linda’s cat’s paw got stuck in the mailbox. \u00a0I try to look really mean, but people who love to talk always manage to look past that.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter\" alt=\"\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/i1352.photobucket.com\/albums\/q641\/elizabethev\/saywhat_zpsc86fa457.jpg?resize=574%2C480\" width=\"574\" height=\"480\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Every once in a while, whether with loved ones or complete <del>sketch balls<\/del> strangers, I catch myself nodding and making agreement noises without having any real sense of what the other person is saying. \u00a0And I start to panic, wondering how much of the conversation I missed, distracted by a shiny object on the horizon or a daydream about inventing a Chuck E. Cheese for adults and their brindle French bulldogs.<\/p>\n<p>Does this ever happen to you? \u00a0(The zoning out part, not the Chuck E. Cheese part.) \u00a0I happened upon <a href=\"http:\/\/experiencelife.com\/article\/the-art-of-conversation\/\" target=\"_blank\">this article from Experience Life magazine<\/a> (a favorite of mine), and found the section with tips on how to be a better listener especially helpful:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>Business consultant Ori Brafman and psychologist Rom Brafman are interested in what allows people to truly bond. In their book,\u00a0<em><a href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Click-The-Magic-Instant-Connections\/dp\/B008SLSTQU\/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1361847630&sr=8-1&keywords=click+instant+connections\" target=\"_blank\">Click: The Magic of Instant Connections<\/a><\/em>\u00a0(Broadway Books, 2010), they explain how to be fully present during conversations. This involves careful listening, of course, but that\u2019s only the beginning. Here are four of the Brafmans\u2019 suggestions for listening to, and becoming\u00a0genuinely engaged\u00a0in, what the other person is saying.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Be intentional.<\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>Before engaging in a conversation, consciously decide to be present and open for it. This can be as simple as taking a deep breath before opening the coffee-shop door and turning off your phone before sitting down.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Be attentive.\u00a0<\/strong>Ask for elaboration. Share your reactions honestly. Demonstrate to the other person that you are actively participating in the conversation.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Be an equal.<\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>Avoid giving advice or assuming a one-up or one-down position. Do your best to listen without a plan or an agenda.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Be your own person.<\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>Instead of getting preoccupied with how you should respond, be authentic with your emotional reactions to what the other person is saying. Get in touch with how you\u2019re really feeling, and your conversational partner will understand you, too.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>I am guessing these tips are most useful when you’re a willing participant in a two-way conversation, but I suppose the orange line or the RMV would be good places to practice becoming a better listener. \u00a0<em>Or whatever.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Also <strong>On Tap for Today<\/strong>:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span class=\"Apple-style-span\" style=\"line-height: 13px;\">One of my favorite things to listen to (besides Clark’s snoring): <a href=\"http:\/\/www.npr.org\/rss\/podcast\/podcast_detail.php?siteId=9157743\" target=\"_blank\">NPR’s StoryCorps podcast<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<li>Starting <a href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Everyone-Hanging-Without-Other-Concerns\/dp\/0307886271\/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1361848298&sr=8-1&keywords=mindy+kaling\" target=\"_blank\">a new book<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lifehack.org\/articles\/communication\/5-simple-ways-to-be-a-better-listener.html\" target=\"_blank\">More ways to be a better listener via Lifehack<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Are you a good listener? \u00a0Huh? \u00a0Whadya say?\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I pride myself on being a good listener. \u00a0Sometimes I think people on public transportation can sense that about me. \u00a0Oh, and the RMV. \u00a0People always think I am a good listener at the RMV. \u00a0That’s how I end up on the wrong end of a monologue about that time Linda’s cat’s paw got stuck in the mailbox. \u00a0I try to look really mean, but people who love to talk always manage to look past that. Every once in a while, whether with loved ones or complete sketch balls strangers, I catch myself nodding and making agreement noises without having any real sense of what the other person is saying. \u00a0And I start to panic, wondering how much of the conversation I missed, distracted by a shiny object on the horizon or a daydream about inventing a Chuck E. Cheese for adults and their brindle French bulldogs. Does this ever happen to you? \u00a0(The zoning out part, not the Chuck E. Cheese part.) \u00a0I happened upon this article from Experience Life magazine (a favorite of mine), and found the section with tips on how to be a better listener especially helpful: Business consultant Ori Brafman and psychologist Rom Brafman are interested in what allows people to truly bond. In their book,\u00a0Click: The Magic of Instant Connections\u00a0(Broadway Books, 2010), they explain how to be fully present during conversations. This involves careful listening, of course, but that\u2019s only the beginning. Here are four of the Brafmans\u2019 suggestions for listening to, and becoming\u00a0genuinely engaged\u00a0in, what the other person is saying. Be intentional.\u00a0Before engaging in a conversation, consciously decide to be present and open for it. This can be as simple as taking a deep breath before opening the coffee-shop door and turning off your phone before sitting down. Be attentive.\u00a0Ask for elaboration. Share your reactions honestly. Demonstrate to the other person that you are actively participating in the conversation. Be an equal.\u00a0Avoid giving advice or assuming a one-up or one-down position. Do your best to listen without a plan or an agenda. Be your own person.\u00a0Instead of getting preoccupied with how you should respond, be authentic with your emotional reactions to what the other person is saying. Get in touch with how you\u2019re really feeling, and your conversational partner will understand you, too. I am guessing these tips are most useful when you’re a willing participant in a two-way conversation, but I suppose the orange line or the RMV would be good places to practice becoming a better listener. \u00a0Or whatever. Also On Tap for Today: One of my favorite things to listen to (besides Clark’s snoring): NPR’s StoryCorps podcast Starting a new book More ways to be a better listener via Lifehack Are you a good listener? \u00a0Huh? \u00a0Whadya say?\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wprm-recipe-roundup-name":"","wprm-recipe-roundup-description":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,12],"tags":[116,961,786],"class_list":["post-7449","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humans","category-reading","tag-books","tag-experience-life","tag-tips"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Be a better listener.<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Ever catch yourself zoning out mid-conversation? 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