Today: Pitch a tent

We went camping last weekend, and I lived to tell of our adventures.  This was the first time I’d really slept outside, on purpose.  Technically, I didn’t actually sleep, but I’m jumping the proverbial gun here.

We arrived at our designated campsite on Friday afternoon and promptly set up a home away from home.  My brother and his fiance generously lent us their camping supplies (I didn’t have a sleeping bag, or tent, or headlamp laying around), and with the wisdom they imparted earlier in the week, I was able to set up the tent all by myself.  I only got hit in the face by the interlocking pole things twice.  Not wanting to die of hypothermia in New Hampshire (which I presume to be the perfect place to die and go unnoticed for several weeks, if not months), I was sure to layer heavily between the ground and the sleeping bag.

…and by sleeping bag, I mean awake all night getting freaked out by noises bag.  I barely slept a wink.  You could hear people snoring two campsites down, acorns and branches falling from the heavens (or, more accurately, from the trees), and worst of all… mysterious human and animal noises.   Aaaaah!

At one point during the first night, our campfire spontaneously ignited itself, prompting me to involuntarily take the solemn oath of a volunteer fire fighter.  You’re welcome for saving your lives, fellow campers.  Needless to say, the next time (and I really hope there is a next time!) we go camping, I am going to overindulge in Tylenol Simply Sleep.  It must be done.

I, quite honestly, had a great time.  It was fun to try something new and exciting and  slightly dangerous.  A few tips for other first time Wilderness Explorers:

1.  Wear black nail polish.  If you go foraging for mushrooms or small sticks for the fire, you will get dirt under your nails.  Few state parks have mani-pedi amenities, I’m told.

2.  If any of the following apply,

• You have an overactive imagination
• You have reasonably good hearing
• You do not live in the woods in real life
• You watch serial killer marathons on A&E

..do not get into your tent until you are either extremely overtired or (not that that I advocate being a boozer, but…) extremely over-served.  You will hear weird noises and the wheels will start spinning and game over.  You’re awake all night.

3.  Do not drink or eat after 4 PM to ensure you do not have to go during the night.  Or… come up with a more reasonable plan.

4.  If you plan to enjoy a roaring fire, pack clothes to change into that do not reek of burning plastic (how’d that get into the fire pit?!).  Store them far from the burning plastic.

5.  Do not dump  leftover milk onto the smoldering fire while packing up to leave.  You will regret it, and everyone downwind from your fire will wish a plague upon your family.

6.  Wear an appropriate hat.  Isn’t it amoosing?

Also On Tap for Today:

• Start reading the Senator’s memoirs
• Bake cupcakes for my mom’s upcoming birthday, woooo!