All My Plant Children

Am I writing a soap opera, or introducing you to my houseplants… it could go either way.  Like sands through the hourglass, these are… all my plant children.

Firstly, my Monstera (Monstera deliciosa, if we’re getting specific slash Latin) .  I bought this little (now giant) guy at Star Market in Dorchester for $10 in 2016– sometimes a girl just gets lucky.  Something I wish I didn’t know: Monsteras are sometimes called Swiss Cheese Plants.  Like… why?!

The Monstera lives next to my side of the bed (close to the window for indirect sunlight), and sometimes touches my face or arm when I am sleeping, causing me to awake in a panic, thinking… This is how it ends.  Two things I will never quit, no matter how much they adversely affect me or my living space: collecting plants + true crime stories.   He is due for a bigger pot, again (I’ve repotted twice already), but for now I keep him in a plastic pot with good drainage, tucked inside a basket lined with plastic.  I let him dry out between watering and have never had an issue with excess water.

 Its giant leaves make striking stand-alone arrangements — we have a few in vases throughout our condo.   One of his clippings finally grew its own fabulous set of healthy roots… so I will be planting that soon too.  Plants having plant babies! 

If this were a soap opera: The Monstera would be the character that you think is the villain simply because his name sounds like, well, monster.  But he is kind + gentle + whatever.

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Can you tell that caring for plants is kind of a crucial component of my 2018 self care + coping strategy?

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Speaking of plants having plant babies, this is my Pilea plant.  They are sometimes called sharing or friendship plants because they have baby plants (called pups!) that can be shared with friends.  They are fairly trendy and hard to come by, so hit me up if you’d like one of my pups.  I bought this one at the Agway in Chatham (on the Cape)– I believe it was around $15.  As with the Monstera (and most of my plants), I let it dry out between watering (to fight my strong past tendency to overwater) and rotate it every week.  This one lives on Nick’s bedside table, and best I can tell, it has never reached out and touched my husband whilst he slept.

If this were a soap opera: The Pilea would be the Matriarch.  To quote Caroline from RHONJ, “If you’re gonna mess with my family, you’re messing with me.”

Here’s a great post with more tips on caring for Pilea plants.

Next up are these little cuties.  They are different varieties of Fittonia argyroneura, also called nerve plants.  The top variety is called Mini White + the bottom is Red Anne.  I think they were $4 each at Home Depot.  I was there to buy ant bait (the glamour of life abounds + also please don’t chastise me for killing ants– I can’t with that right now) and naturally ended up in both the plants + paint chip sections.  One of these plants was pink, so that felt like a no brainer.  And I thought it might want a friend.  They live in our kitchen in clay pots from Target + Homegoods.

If this were a soap opera:  These would be The Sisters.  There would obviously be a story line about paternity (…but why is my sister pink?!).  And on second thought, Red Anne definitely sounds like a serial killer, so probably something murdery would happen.  

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We also keep an aloe plant on our kitchen counter (pretty sure it was a Trader Joe’s impulse buy).  I like to think I’m the kind of person who would  snap off a piece and use its healing properties to soothe a burn or whatever (hence why it lives near the tea kettle), but my MO in that situation is really just to swear and look for ice.  Whatever.  I can change.  The aloe is my aspirational lifestyle plant.

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At the Cape, we have several succulents who are happy to survive without me when we are in the city.  In fact, they kind of thrive when I am not around watering + generally being annoying to them.  And I’ve learned to not take that personally.  Nature does well without our intervention, right?

My eldest plant child at the Cape is this large jade plant (Crassula argentea).  I forget when/where I got the plant itself (they’re easy to come by), but the gold planter is one of my favorites (this one is similar, but with wooden legs + I probably need it).  Jade plants are very low maintenance… just like me (jklolololol).  This guy requires moderate light + won’t need to be repotted until it gets top heavy (they can grow to be several feet tall).  The leaves do tend to gather dust, so I clean him with a warm, damp dishcloth (I almost wrote “rag” as if I were an old timey peasant or something… I use a dishcloth) every few weeks.

If this were a soap opera: Jade would be in the corner, always watching, always judging.  She sees everything.  She knows everything.

Also at the Cape is this trailing succulent.  I believe it is a string of pearls (Senecio rowleyanus), but I haven’t found an exact match, so don’t hold me to that.  She is potentially toxic (aren’t we all) to both humans + pets, so I am extra careful to clean up any leaves she might drop.  I cut the plastic hanger from the original pot and tucked her into this super inexpensive/cute macrame hanger.  I looped the hanger around our curtain rod before tucking the plant in (don’t try to do it in the reverse order, trust me).

If this were a soap opera:  You’d fall in love with her beauty.  And then she’d kill you (because: poison).

And lastly, these twins.  I picked up these two big succulent planters at Cape Abilities Farm in Dennis (one of my favorite spots — check out the incredible work they do) for less than $20 each.  I kept them on the deck over the summer and will likely move them indoors soon.  The hens + chicks are some of my favorites– my parents have them growing in/on their stone walls and I just love that look.

If this were a soap opera: These would be the unassuming heroes.  

Perhaps I’ll find a big ol’ stone or cement planter for them.  You know, when I inevitably end up at a garden store/nursery this weekend…  there’s always room in this home (kind of) + heart (for sure) + pretend television show for a new plant child.

Also On Tap for Today:

• If you’re looking for a great resource for houseplants, I highly recommend both Urban Jungle: Living and Styling with Plants and Leaf Supply.  Not only are they full of information on plant care, they are GORGEOUS.
• Packing up and road tripping to WELL Summit with Amanda + Olivia! Tickets are still available if you’re in New York *use code WSElizabeth to save $75*
• The best houseplants for you, based on your zodiac sign (very here for all of this) from Apartment Therapy

Tell me about all your plant children.  Please.