Today: My dog is The Biggest Loser.
[tweetmeme source=”elizabethev” only_single=false]
He’s down three whole pounds this year. That’s 10% of his furry body weight. He has not fallen below the yellow line. He is The Biggest Loser. I, on the other hand, am just a plain old loser.
If you follow me on Twitter, you may have caught my impromptu Tweets from the Vet series between 5:30-7:30 PM EST yesterday. Clark has been feeling a little under the weather lately, so we made a trip to our friendly, neighborhood vet for a check-up. When the little dude hopped on the scale, it read 27lbs. Just six months ago, he was an even 30lbs. His secret: less food, more exercise. Not much of secret.
And then the appointment went somewhere strange.
When Dr. KC was examining Clark’s abdomen, his belly was making very loud crackling noises. I though maybe he had eaten a bottle of hairspray. Nope. It was a giant bubble of gas, or as Dr. KC put it, “Clark has a giant fart brewing.” Never. Never. Never in a million years did I think this would be my life: Standing in a vet’s office, talking about giant farts brewing. Inside my dog.
To give you some perspective, this potential fart is so big, it showed up on Clark’s first x-ray. What I thought was his lung (I fainted in ninth grade biology, probably on the day that we were learning where body parts are located), was actually an extremely distended small intestine. Since I caught him eating a Q-tip on Monday and several days earlier he threw up a clump of fur (if he ate a chipmunk I will be soooo mad), the vet thought it best to take another x-ray to be sure there was no, like, blockage. It took over an hour to get a clean picture, so I found myself sitting alone in a very small room, wondering if I was claustrophobic, feeling pretty certain I was claustrophobic, and reading about flea infestations. And wanting to die, a little.
When Clark was finally brought back to me (from where ever dog x-rays happen), and the doctor was confident there was no blockage (or at least nothing super obvious), we were free to go home. And by home, I mean to B.Y.O.D. where I bought him a stuffed sperm whale (I don’t know, I just don’t), some salmon, an antler and a raw bone in an effort to speed along the farting process. Seriously, this is what my life has become.
Should I call some sort of environmental agency and warn them of a potential blast of noxious gas, soon to take place in a small dog crate in South Boston? Or should I just play it cool?
BREAKING (WIND) NEWS: Thursday, 3/17 9PM. It, um… happened I think. And we all survived. Poor little guy does not feel good.
Also On Tap for Today:
- Speaking of Clarks, the con-artist formerly known as Clark Rockefeller is back in the news
- Text REDCROSS to 90999 to donate to relief efforts in Japan
- Getting excited for this weekend’s St. Patrick’s Day race and festivities 🙂
What was the weirdest thing you experienced yesterday?
Comments (36)
Rainy Day Activities
March 16, 2011 at 2:07 pm
[…] Read this post for a good […]
Tina
March 16, 2011 at 2:09 pm
This post made my day! LOL!
Mona
March 16, 2011 at 2:21 pm
Poor Clark! Atleast you know it’s nothing serious and can be taken care of at home.
Kelly @ Laughter, Strength, and Food
March 16, 2011 at 2:28 pm
I am sitting at my desk at work crying because I am laughing so hard at this story! LOL!
Caitlin Boyle
March 16, 2011 at 2:34 pm
muahhahah
Rainy Day Activities
March 16, 2011 at 2:46 pm
[…] Read this post for a good laugh! The dog lovers will especially like […]
cleaneatingchelsey
March 16, 2011 at 3:02 pm
This is absolutely hilarious!
Emily @ A Cambridge Story
March 16, 2011 at 3:08 pm
Dying laughing over here. It is amazing what we will do for our furbabies. Has the fart been released?!
emily @ the happy home
March 16, 2011 at 3:12 pm
maybe some extra exercise will help him get it out? or carrots. those send my dogs into the toots 🙂
Bridget
March 16, 2011 at 3:59 pm
Hahahahahahaha I’m silently dying laughing at my desk! What they don’t make doggy Gas-x??? They must have something that can speed the process along! Poor little dude, but he’ll be so happy once it passes 🙂 Keep us updated!
Paige @ Saucy & Sweet
March 16, 2011 at 4:01 pm
Oh how awkward! I mean, we all know that our puppy’s toots are a killer… but I can’t imagine having a conversation with the vet about it! Good luck, hope everything comes out ok 😉
Kelly
March 16, 2011 at 4:47 pm
This made me laugh so hard I almost cried and then I kept re-reading it and forwarding this to all my friends. Thanks for the pick me up!
Jen @ keepitsimplefoods
March 16, 2011 at 5:20 pm
LOL! I’d die if the vet said that to me! Geez!
runningthrough2011
March 16, 2011 at 6:07 pm
Haha. This post is hilarious.
It All Changes
March 16, 2011 at 8:50 pm
This has me rolling on the floor. I had to send it to my Hunni who is the vet visit master 🙂
Audrey
March 16, 2011 at 8:51 pm
Elizabeth… Too funny! It made me laugh out loud! Looking forward to future posts…
Mal
March 16, 2011 at 9:16 pm
I have to know if it came out. Don’t leave me hanging here. Did it peel paint off your walls? For some reason I just have to know!!!
Kalli
March 16, 2011 at 9:54 pm
oh my gosh! poor clark….too funny!
Melissa
March 16, 2011 at 10:05 pm
I’m shocked and appalled and I loved this post. Dog farts can be lethal! Hope you don’t suffer when Clark finally lets it rip. Ewww, haha.
Toni
March 17, 2011 at 5:54 am
oh my gosh!! too funny! 😀
carly
March 17, 2011 at 8:58 am
I’m so glad I found this post … I would love to get my dog X-rayed, especially in the morning. It’s at the point where if I wake up and I don’t hear him farting, I get worried. He’s a very gassy little man. I’m glad everything is okay with your baby!
Today: My Irish eyes are smiling. «
March 17, 2011 at 10:21 am
[…] Fart Watch Day 3: So far… nothing to report, folks. […]
Anne Marie
March 17, 2011 at 4:39 pm
awww… poor little guy!
my little one had an x-ray this week as well… we were checking for a chicken bone. luckily nothing bad showed up, and she got a stop at B.Y.O.D. on the way home too! 🙂
Anonymous
March 17, 2011 at 7:52 pm
Well, I lol’d. My dog’s a lot heavier than he should be (but still physically fit) but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have giant farts brewing.
Tail Waggin & Daisy Designs
March 17, 2011 at 8:38 pm
As someone who finds herself at the vet frequently too, I’d love to know what those x-rays set you back! LOL! My husband thinks our vet says “Cha-ching” when I walk into their offices! Glad there isn’t a blockage!
simplyshaka
March 20, 2011 at 4:11 pm
I saw Clark on CNC and just had to say he is absolutely adorable!!
I was watching the Clark Rockefeller movies on Lifetime yesterday, eek!
According to Gus
March 24, 2011 at 9:09 pm
I saw Clark on CNC and decided to click over…so glad I did. This post is hilarious! We had to take our dog, Gus, into the vet last week for x-rays and he also had gas show up in his x-ray. Lovely.
Clark rocks. What an awesome dog…love his name!
Today: April showers are annoying. «
April 4, 2011 at 4:00 pm
[…] my brother’s 31st birthday…and little Clark‘s 2nd […]
Today: Woo-hoo! Clark’s two! «
April 11, 2011 at 6:42 am
[…] apple picking to exploring Maine, to our morning walks, Clark makes life a bit sillier, snugglier, smellier and […]
Crystal
May 28, 2011 at 1:34 pm
This is so funny! I actually just had a similar experience with my Boston Terrier. He wasn’t feeling well so I took him to the vet and on the x-rays the vet couldn’t tell if it was just terrible gas or gas caused by an unseen obstruction. I had to hold my laughter back when the vet said “well this could just be a really huge fart.” Oh the life as a owner of a short nosed dog! haha.
5 Blog Posts That Changed My Life
June 15, 2011 at 8:13 am
[…] Today: My dog is The Biggest Loser. […]
goodtastehealthyme
June 15, 2011 at 8:59 am
LOL awesome
Lauren @ Team Giles
June 15, 2011 at 8:26 pm
Girl, this post just cracked me up!!! poor Clark. but gosh, that was hilarious!
Today: 11 things (including something especially… weird). «
February 14, 2012 at 11:09 am
[…] love writing about entertaining, running trials and triumphs, and Clark. Clark brings all the boys to the yard readers to the […]
klifesprinkles
February 24, 2012 at 8:39 pm
haha, this post is great! 🙂 I can totally appreciate what you were going through being the one who’s on the other side of “where dog xrays happen,” I’ve had many clients in your shoes. poor clark!
Funny Blog Posts
September 10, 2012 at 8:20 am
[…] Today: My dog is The Biggest Loser […]