Today: Marthacise!

Marthacise isn’t a real word, but Jazzercise is.  The two don’t have much in common beyond the –cise suffix and a high level of pep.  And thong leotards.  After a crash landing on Planet Real Estate, we are on track to not being homeless.  While that unfolds, I’m attempting to be normal and charming and industrious.  Each morning, I wake up and ask, “What the heck is that noise?”

Then I turn off my BlackBerry alarm and ask, “WWMD?”  Not, Where are the weapons of mass destruction, but rather What would Martha do?

• Would she throw out all of her off-season clothes to avoid having to pack them?  Nope.  She would try everything on (including her wool wrap coat, on a 95 degree day, after her air conditioning unit has been removed) and determine whether the items should be saved (based on a complicated rubric of fit, fashion, functionality and various other f words).  If an item doesn’t make the cut, she donates it.  If it does, she folds it into an origami swan.

• Would she cram all of her clothes into various LL Bean boat bags and those green-friendly reusable shopping bags?  And not remove them, to the point that she no longer has access to aforementioned shopping bags, resulting in requesting plastic at Stop and Shop? No, I don’t think she would.  Technically, that is exactly what I did, but I have plans to remedy this.  Tonight.

Note: I would sooner carry my groceries out of Whole Foods or Trader Joe’s in the skirt of my dress, Heidi of the mountains-style, before asking for plastic there.  I am pretty sure they’d chop me up and sell me as a meat alternative.

• Would Martha buy lemonade, when lemons are on sale and she has an old school hand juicer?  Nope.  I was just about to write something about making lemonade from lemons, but stopped myself.  Sort of.  Martha undoubtedly has her own recipe, but I used Paula Deen’s.  Either way, I made a giant pitcher of lemonade (with help from Nick on the juicer), which I’ve been mixing with freshly brewed iced tea for a homemade Arnold Palmer.  Delightful.

• Similarly, with a wealth of fresh, local summer produce readily available, would Martha grab dinner at Taco Bell?  She would not, but that would make a good tabloid cover.  In the past week or so, I’ve whipped up various whole wheat bagel sandwiches (baby spring mix, cucumbers, tomatoes, red onions, grainy mustard), orzo salad (orange and yellow bell peppers, red and yellow onions, cucumbers, feta), corn on the cob (with cilantro and lime juice), and Portobello mushroom “burgers.” Though neither healthy nor fresh, my next project comes from Martha’s Cookie Jar: S’mores cookies.  I just made myself drool a little.

• Would Martha pitch two year’s worth of magazines without a second thought?  Another nope.  She’d pull out pages and articles worth revisiting and sort them by category in a labeled expandable file.  My sister called this “mental behavior.”  I find it calming and constructive.  Actually, maybe it is a little mental.

In a world where things go wrong when we least expect, Martha reminds us to plan ahead to ensure there are plenty of snacks available, to put stuff where it belongs so we don’t trip over it again, and to savor the very many good things we’ve got going on.  When your glass is half-full of something you made yourself, it’s impossible to see it as half-empty.  Well, not impossible, but… uh… Cheers!

Also On Tap for Today:

• Pay parking ticket(s)
• Start reading another book (finished Commencement this weekend, mixed review)
• Plan out training for half marathon in October

What do you do right when things go a little bit wrong?  Totally unfair question: Who do you love more, Paula Deen or Martha Stewart?