According to scientists a random website claiming to quote a Vanderbilt study, one can burn as many as 50 calories a day by laughing. Fifty calories! That’s half a 100 calorie pack of Cheez-Its! Good heavens. If you laughed off 50 calories a day, you could laugh off a full 4.4 lbs each year. Wouldn’t that be fun? The challenge, of course, is that you’d have to find something to laugh about on the reg. If you’re me, you look in the mirror and find an endless reservoir of giggles.
But you’re not me. You’re you. And you might need some help. Shall we?
Facebook in Real Life
My favorite line? “…we met on an oil rig and we were lovers for fifty years!”
Overload would imply that at some point, you’ve had enough. I’ve been devoting quite a bit of my life’s time to scrolling through the pages of Cute Overload and if anything, I am left wanting more. More pictures of baby goats standing atop open dishwasher doors, to be specific.
Hit up the Hallmark aisle.
They pay their writers for a reason. That reason? So we can pass time in the card section, even when we have no occasion for which to be buying cards, awkwardly solo-laughing in public.
There have been no new tweets since s/he stopped erupting, but when s/he was active (both environmentally and on Twitter) s/he was a real hoot.
Check your local listings… and newspapers.
I don’t know about you, but I find the best flavor of humor is often local. Straight out of Massachusetts this week:
- Lord Jesus Christ was hit by a car while crossing the street. WBZ got the exclusive interview with JC, no… not that one. The other one. From the article: “Christ is still sore from last week’s accident, but true to his name, he is praying for a quick recovery. ‘I feel very privileged to have the name. I’m the second person to have that name. The first one was 2,000 years ago.'” Oh. Okay.
And don’t even get me started on public access television. There’s a show that airs on the Cape that, as best I can tell, features two cranky ladies gossiping in their finest embroidered turtlenecks. I love it. My hometown newspaper is often rife with comedic gems, better known as Letters to the Editor. When I worked in Rhode Island, I discovered that the local paper in town took this practice to a whole ‘nutha level, publishing anonymous phone messages (seriously) in a section titled “Speak Out.”
Speaking of anonymous phone calls, who doesn’t love a good prank call?
Old people call them “the funnies” for a reason, I think.
I prefer the old-fangled ones, but the new fangled ones are good for a laugh, too.
Pirate jokes. They arrrgh my favorite.
A pirate walked into a bar with a ships wheel shoved down the front of his pants. The bartender saw him approach the bar and asked, “Sir, are you aware you have a ship’s wheel in your trousers?” “Ay,” the pirate replied, “it’s drivin’ me nuts.”
Too vulgar? My apologies.
Rent Clark for an hour.
According to his dog walker, he is a one man (canine?) comedy show. Please excuse the pee/poo over-share. And the misspelling of Clark.
In truth, you can’t rent him, but excessive photos and videos are free of charge. Just say the word. I stalk my dog.
Also On Tap for Today:
Your turn. Make me laugh and I will be your fifty-calorie-burning friend forever.