Tag Archives: Massachusetts

Today: Happy Weekend.

I finally found salt bagels for sale in Massachusetts.  

I’m quite pleased with myself.  And I hope you’re having a very happy weekend.

Also On Tap for Today:

What are you snacking on this weekend?

Today: I woke up like this | Cape edition.

Who needs a vacation alarm clock (set for 3 hours earlier than you desire to wake up), when you have a toddler at the foot of your bed?

I woke up like this.  With Grace pinching my toes and yelling, “Hellooooo!”

In an effort to spare the rest of our family the 4:30 wake-up call over the 4th of July weekend, we snuck out for some early morning walks down to the beach.  The Cape might be my favorite place on Earth.  Except for the place where they make popcorn (I’ve never been to a popcorn factory, but I just know it’s magical).

Not a bad way to start the day.

We covered 3.5 miles on Friday on our own, and 2.5 miles on Saturday with my brother and sister-in-law and their own mini-human alarm clock, my niece.  

6 AM pajama parties on the beach are the best.

And with the entire world still sleeping, we had the beach to ourselves and our pick of the prettiest shells.

Any day we are lucky enough to wake up at the Cape (even if it’s at 4 AM), we are lucky enough.

Also On Tap for Today:

How did you spend your holiday weekend?

 

Today: The Clark Chronicles [a giveaway and a giveback]

UPDATE:  Congratulations to Shannon, who will soon be the (proud?) owner of a Clark calendar.  I will reach out to you by email to get your mailing address.   Thank you so very much to each of you who commented.  With 35 comments in total as of last night, I decided…. what the heck.  I’m donating $100 regardless.  My lovely parents offered to match my pledge on comments, so that gives us $135 in support of The Greater Boston Food Bank.  Not a bad way to start the day.

As 2012 winds down and 2013 approaches, what better time than now to break out a new wall calendar?  Perhaps one featuring the handsome mug of South Boston’s most beloved (real talk) French bulldog?  After playing around on Minted.com for a few minutes, I found the perfect design and got down to business.  The result:  THE CLARK CHRONICLES.

 

Because I am…

  1. truly grateful to you for stopping by On Tap for Today, and for all the comments, shares, likes, tweets, pins and pokes (Do people still do that?  On Facebook, I mean?) this year and
  2. because I am a firm believer that you can never have too much Clark…

I am giving away one copy of The Clark Chronicles, a truly special 2013 wall calendar, to one lucky and truly special reader.

This is not just a giveaway, though.  It’s also a giveback (I don’t think that’s a real word, but I am hoping that doesn’t matter.).  For each comment left below, I will donate $1.00 to The Greater Boston Food Bank (up to $100.00 of my very own straight cash, homey).  It is my honor to support the important work they do in Massachusetts to end hunger.  In eastern Massachusetts alone, nearly a third of families in need report that their children are not eating enough because they cannot afford sufficient food.  While I worry about which black shoes to wear with my black dress, one in nine of my neighbors is food insecure.  They may be unsure where they will get their next meal.  They may be choosing between food or rent, food or heat, food or medical care.  These are choices no one should face.  During a season so focused on giving and receiving, I encourage you to consider giving back, when and if you can, in support of the causes closest to your heart.

Please leave a comment below (and for Pete’s sake, make it a thoughtful one) for a chance to receive a Clark calendar (perhaps I could convince him to pawtograph it?  bahahahaaa) and I will donate $1.00 for each comment (up to 100) to the Greater Boston Food Bank.  I will select one random winner at the end of the day on Monday, 12/10/12.

P.S. If you are a very lovely and kind millionaire hundredaire and would like to match a portion of my contribution, please let me know.

Also On Tap for Today:

What is your top goal for 2013?  What cause is closest to your heart this time of year?

Today: Be cool.

Clark has a message for everyone out there surfing this heat wave:  Just be cool.

And that’s why they call it… the doggie paddle.  If you can’t don a sweet red life vest and swim around in the shallow end, here are a few more ideas for keeping cool:

And a very important message from the Boston Public Heath Commission:

I figure it could always be worse.  Like two summers ago, when it rained for 9,000 days straight.  Or last summer, when our A/C went bust in the office, and the temperature indoors peaked at 101 degrees.  Yep, it could always be worse.

Also On Tap for Today:

How do you keep cool?  What’s your favorite type of weather? Favorite weather person?

Today: The Godblessmobile.

Happiness on wheels!  I haven’t seen this little car since we moved (hence the snow on the ground in this photo, safely snapped at a red light), but once I tried to follow the Godblessmobile.  It’s a speedy little thing and it got away from me.  It had places to go and people to bless.

Also On Tap for Today:

What makes you happy in your neighborhood?

Today: Laugh it off.

According to scientists a random website claiming to quote a Vanderbilt study, one can burn as many as 50 calories a day by laughing.  Fifty calories!  That’s half a 100 calorie pack of Cheez-Its!  Good heavens.  If you laughed off 50 calories a day, you could laugh off a full 4.4 lbs each year.  Wouldn’t that be fun?  The challenge, of course, is that you’d have to find something to laugh about on the reg.  If you’re me, you look in the mirror and find an endless reservoir of giggles.

But you’re not me.  You’re you.  And you might need some help.  Shall we?

Facebook in Real Life

My favorite line? “…we met on an oil rig and we were lovers for fifty years!”

Cute Overload

Overload would imply that at some point, you’ve had enough.  I’ve been devoting quite a bit of my life’s time to scrolling through the pages of Cute Overload and if anything, I am left wanting more.  More pictures of baby goats standing atop open dishwasher doors, to be specific.

Source: www.cuteoverload.com

Hit up the Hallmark aisle.

They pay their writers for a reason.  That reason? So we can pass time in the card section, even when we have no occasion for which to be buying cards, awkwardly solo-laughing in public.

Follow Eyjafjallajokul (yes, the volcano) on Twitter.

There have been no new tweets since s/he stopped erupting, but when s/he was active (both environmentally and on Twitter) s/he was a real hoot.

Check your local listings… and newspapers.

I don’t know about you, but I find the best flavor of humor is often local.  Straight out of Massachusetts this week:

  • Lord Jesus Christ was hit by a car while crossing the street.  WBZ got the exclusive interview with JC, no… not that one. The other one.  From the article: “Christ is still sore from last week’s accident, but true to his name, he is praying for a quick recovery. ‘I feel very privileged to have the name. I’m the second person to have that name. The first one was 2,000 years ago.'”  Oh.  Okay.

And don’t even get me started on public access television.  There’s a show that airs on the Cape that, as best I can tell, features two cranky ladies gossiping in their finest embroidered turtlenecks.  I love it.  My hometown newspaper is often rife with comedic gems, better known as Letters to the Editor.  When I worked in Rhode Island, I discovered that the local paper in town took this practice to a whole ‘nutha level, publishing anonymous phone messages (seriously) in a section titled “Speak Out.”

Speaking of anonymous phone calls, who doesn’t love a good prank call?

Old people call them “the funnies” for a reason, I think.

I prefer the old-fangled ones, but the new fangled ones are good for a laugh, too.

Source: www.nataliedee.com

Pirate jokes.  They arrrgh my favorite.

A pirate walked into a bar with a ships wheel shoved down the front of his pants.  The bartender saw him approach the bar and asked, “Sir, are you aware you have a ship’s wheel in your trousers?”  “Ay,” the pirate replied, “it’s drivin’ me nuts.”

Too vulgar?  My apologies.

Rent Clark for an hour.

According to his dog walker, he is a one man (canine?) comedy show.  Please excuse the pee/poo over-share.  And the misspelling of Clark.

In truth, you can’t rent him, but excessive photos and videos are free of charge.  Just say the word.  I stalk my dog.

Also On Tap for Today:

Your turn.  Make me laugh and I will be your fifty-calorie-burning friend forever.