There are two (possibly more… maybe, like, six or seven) things in the Universe that I know almost nothing about. Football and the much buzzed about “paleo diet” are two such things. What do you do when you’re totally out of the loop? Throw a (very
exclusive small) party. And pretend you know what you’re talking about. With the New England Patriots playing the Denver Broncos in some sort of playoff game, and Nick participating in a paleo challenge at his Crossfit box (in normal human language, that’s a gym), the need for a get together seemed obvious. Helloooo, paleo and Patriots… they both start with p. (I am pathetic. That’s another p word.)
Though I aspire to eat as thoughtfully as my fiance does, sometimes I’d rather just eat nachos and call it a night. And I am fairly certain I would be the first member of the tribe to go extinct were I living in caveman times. I’d much prefer a blade of grass over a wooly mammoth leg, or whatever. While the paleo diet may not be for me, I’m usually up for something new. Especially if it involves feeding people.
According to The Paleo Diet Lifestyle,
A Paleo diet, also known as paleolithic diet or caveman diet, is all about natural foods to help achieve great health and a perfect physique. The human body evolved for more than 2 million years with the food found in nature: game meat, fish, vegetables, wild fruits, eggs and nuts. The human race was thriving on this diet high in animal fat and proteins and low in carbohydrates, but things changed when we introduced unnatural foods to our bodies.
Clark thinks he invented paleo. He’s like, “Dude. I’ve been eating fresh vegetables and nasty ass raw bones since you got me. If you’d let me forage for berries and magic mushrooms, I would. Old news. Give me a grain-free treat.” So sassy, that one (in my imagination, at least). Needless to say, I have a lot to learn.
Meanwhile, anything I know about football I learned from watching my younger brother play. And from listening to sports radio during my measly commute. Driving home earlier this week, a caller mentioned a poll running on the Denver Post’s website asking readers, “Whose life would you rather live: Patriots quarterback Tom Brady’s or Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow’s?” Is it wrong that I would rather be Tim Tebow? Man Uggs, Super Bowl rings, ponytails and supermodel wives are all well and good… but, um… no thanks. I am easily overwhelmed.
Being easily overwhelmed seemed like a perfectly good reason to hand off (hey, that’s sort of a football phrase) the paleo chicken wing responsibilities to Nick. Being a vegetarian who has undercooked meat on more than one occassion is an equally valid reason. I stuck to less terrifying recipes, ones that bore a lower risk of me giving away botulism:
- Shrimp ceviche
- Paleo “sushi” (hollowed cucumbers stuffed with sliced turkey and avocado)
When it was all said and done, the Patriots won quite definitively and the paleo-inspired food seemed to be touchdown dance-worthy. I am beginning to wonder if
Clark those cavemen and women were on to something. On second though, those suckers didn’t have stoves. Or sports radio. Or mascara.
Also On Tap for Today:
Who would you rather be, Tom Brady or Tim Tebow? Who would you rather eat like, me or my dog? (Just kidding… unless you’re going to answer.)