Today: Tell a tasteless Halloween joke

mail-2I apologize for the poor quality of today’s images.  Ever the dingbat, I left my camera cord… well, who knows where?  I am not a huge fan of Halloween, but I do love The Nightmare Before Christmas and candy, so it can’t be all bad.  Last night Alyson and I channeled MJ for the Thriller dance party at Life in Synergy (a great gym in the Back Bay, with a huge range of classes).  After going it alone at the Bollywood dance-off, I am very happy to have a partner in crime (…and yes, I was just about to write something about smooth criminals).

Attendees were encouraged to dress in costume.  One woman wore all brown, rubbed on some brown face paint and stuck a twig in her ponytail.  I think she was a tree.  I didn’t have much time this week to pull together a workout-worthy costume, so I threw on my Michael Forever tee-shirt (complete with glittered glove applique), yoga pants, a pair of black legwarmers and sequined ballet shoes.  Perfect for spinning, shaking and snapping.  If you need entertainment for your next party (especially if your guests happen to be visually impaired), we’d be happy to perform Thriller for you.

Today, Nick and I stopped by the Boston Vegetarian Food Festival.  What is it about free stuff that brings out the beast in people?  Oh, the irony of elbowing and pushing people to get to the animal cruelty prevention pamphlet table!  We sampled some unbelievable peanut butter from Peanut Butter & Company and picked up samples of Lara Bars and a few recipes, which I look forward to experimenting with later this week.

We’re off to watch my younger brother’s rugby game.  We might not be back in time for the one trick or treater who might appear at our door, so we threw this together to leave at the door:

mail

While I’d like to claim in was an attempt to stave off childhood obesity, mostly I didn’t want to eat all the candy that would inevitably left over, and I sort of wanted to play with Play-Dough.  I like how it smells.

I hope you have a safe and happy Halloweenie.

Today: Life with Clark

dog walkHere it is.  The post you’ve all been you might have been waiting for.  What I’ve learned this past week from life with our little monster:

  • Looking cute while picking up what your dog… put down… is not easy.
  • Sometimes, when you’re trying to sleep, you new puppy might make noises that sound like a pterodactyl or a fisher cat.  If you’ve never heard of a fisher cat, read on.  I will terrify you in mere moments.
  • You will meet more people in three days with a dog, than you might otherwise in three months.  Most of these people will be nice and normal.  Others will linger just a bit too long, but there’s no casual way to say, “Stop petting my dog, ya freak.”
  • If dog food tastes anything like it smells, it’s gross.  Dog food makers can dehydrate anything.  In fact, I think they might be in cahoots with the people who make astronaut ice cream.
  • You’ll find treats in pockets you didn’t even know you had.
  • French bulldogs like to jump on other French bulldogs, which is fun for them, but traumatic for a new owner who worries her dog might break another person’s dog.  Also, they don’t speak French.  Yet.
  • Dogs do not know the difference between 6AM on a Tuesday and 6AM on a Sunday.
  • It’s really easy to fall asleep on the sofa if there’s a snoring puppy smushed on top of you.

And now, pictures.

Clark 1

Check out the Frenchie ears.

Clark 3

Get this monkey off my back.

Clark 4

Pretending I know how to hold a dog.

If all this cuteness overload is too much for you, allow me to introduce New England’s most malevolent mammal… the terrifying Fisher Cat. Raaaaaaaaawr!

fishercat

I will bite you. And your little moose, too. (Photo via www.troop399nbny.org)

According to the world’s most credible source (Wikipedia, obvi), the Fisher Cat has “unsheathed, retractable claws.”  With its Edward Scissorhands and their raging teeth, the fisher cat is one of very few predators who actually seek out porcupines for prey.

They don’t really discriminate, mowing down birds, small mammals… and even large mammals, such as the moose.  The noise they make is so distinctive and terrifying, someone in New Hampshire dedicated an entire website to it.  Click on the audio, if you dare! Muhahaha.  To make matters (even) worse, they have been hit with the ugly stick.  Hard.

On that note, have a lovely day!

Also On Tap for Today:

  • Write myself a note to change the clocks for DST on Saturday night.  I love “falling back.”
  • Perhaps our team will make out triumphant return to trivia tonight?
  • Share an inspiring story about a kindergartner who’s pulling for his sick friend.  You must read/watch. (Thanks, Christina!)

How cute is our Frog Dog?  How many nightmares will you have this week about the fisher cat? And please tell me you’ve watched the Sweetie Petey newsclip.

Today: Mark it on Martha’s Calendar

TGIFYou probably know how much I adore Ms.  Stewart.  Everything she does is just so good.  My favorite page in Martha Stewart Living has always been Martha’s Calendar.  On any given Thursday, while I’m watching YouTube videos babies dancing to Beyonce, Martha might be pruning the perennials or gently reminding her neighbors to test the batteries on their smoke detectors.  Her months are well-planned and thoughtful and I find this level of order to be immensely calming.

Welp, it turns out that soothing balm is available on the world wide web.  And if you’re feeling especially inspired, you can customize each month to help with your own planning in various categories (Homekeeping, Chanukah, Halloween, Gardening.  Yes, really).  This might seem excessive, but when you’re a girl on the go (or, presently, on the sofa) sometimes you need some extra direction.  Who knows?  This calendar might just mean you get a present this year. On time.  Or that my plants don’t die.  Again.

She's a busy lady.

She's a busy lady.

Here’s a helpful hint: Overcook a scallop or two every now and again and you’ll be sure to know whether or not your smoke detector’s working.  That’s how I roll, Martha.

[Calendar image via Everyday Houseblend]

Also On Tap for Today:

  • Take Clark to have his picture taken for our building’s “Community Calendar.”  I think this might warrant reporting back.  I have no idea what I’m in for.
  • Figure out a way to secretly listen to the BC vs. Notre Dame game tomorrow, while at an all-day work event.

How do you stay on top of your day-to-day?  Do you have an extra helpful hint to share?

Today: Join me, by joining Project Feed Me

CesarHi.  It’s me. So, today’s post was going to be all about our new French Bulldog.  I know, I know.  I quite literally just posted about wanting a dog, and not knowing how to take care of one.  But before  you go all PETA on me, rest assured that we’d been planning to acquire one of these little monsters for ages… and everything fell into place yesterday.  And also, Nick knows how to take care of dogs.  And I’ve watched several episodes of Dog Whisperer.

…but because I only have a BlackBerried photo of Clark (doesn’t he sound smart?), I think I will have to wait a day or two to dedicate an entire post to him.

He’s worth waiting for, two people who read this blog.  If you need some convincing, here’s a little teaser:

Check out my ears.

Check out my ears.

So, with that said, I’d like to cordially invite you and yours to join me in participating in Project Feed Me. I first learned about this nine week program when scrolling through The No Meat Athlete on my Google reader, which referenced Natalie at No No 2 Yo Yo‘s promotion of this project… and so, I signed up.  And I’d love for you to do the same.

What am I getting you into, you ask?  It’s simple.  Each Monday, a recommended food is posted.  Commit to purchasing each recommended item, donating the whole lot to an area food bank or pantry on the final week of the project.  The list of food items has been generated by food banks, with the intention of feeding families over the holidays.Project-Feed-Me-nono2yoyo4

While the project officially kicked off on October 12th, it’s not too late to join.  Being the delayed person that I am, I joined a week late and will make up for it by purchasing both my chili and tuna contributions this week.  Check back each Monday, and I will re-post the link (click through to sign up!) to No No 2 Yo Yo, as well as the week’s food item.

As the holidays approach, there is no better time to show gratitude for giving back.  It takes very little to make a difference.  I sincerely hope you’ll join me over the next few weeks in putting together some good food for a deserving family.

Also On Tap for Today:

  • Get that weird Bumble Bee tuna jingle out of my head
  • Dig out all my warm winter gear (it snowed in Boston yesterday)
  • Ask my parents to execute an elaborate hoax, allowing me to spend some quality time in the attic, playing with Christmas decorations

Will you consider joining Project Feed Me?  If so, I will consider liking you even more than I already do.

Today: Trade a pitcher for a puppy

DogIt’s no secret I want a puppy.  Badly.  It’s even less of a secret that I have no idea what having a puppy entails.  What do you feed them?  Where do you take them?  How do they communicate their needs and desires to us non-dogs?  I don’t even know.

I had a few hamsters (only one at a time, sort of one after another) when I was younger.  They each had Sesame Street names, including Ernie, who was biologically Ernestine… but that’s beside the point.  Which is this: dogs are not hamsters.   I have a lot to learn.

The first puppy Nick and I ever almost bought was a papillion.  That’s French for butterfly; their freakish, hairy ears sort of make these fur babies look like butterflies.

Exhibit A

Exhibit A

You might think he’s a bit silly looking and you might be right… but a papillion is the only dog you can reasonably name… da da daaaaa…. Jonathan Papillion! If that’s not a reason to buy a dog, I don’t know what is.

Exhibit B

Exhibit B

I thought about not revealing that bit of genius, but since the whole of Red Sox Nation is hoping our wild-eyed reliever gets traded, I doubt you’re going to run to Debbie’s Pet Land tonight,  just to steal my idea.  And if you are, wow.  That’s all.

So, until the furry companion of my imagination becomes reality, I will click over to www.dailypuppy.com.  Looking at other people’s dogs is clearly a better use of my time than learning about what taking care of my potential dog might actually involve.  Woof.

Also On Tap for Today:

  • Have dinner with the family
  • Convince myself that it’s okay to wait yet another day to do laundry

What’s your imaginary dog named?  And what are you doing now that the post-season barely existed?

[Photos: Jonathan Papillion via criteristic.com, Jonathan Papelbon via nydailynews.com]

Today: Help with the harvest

IMG_3955I spent Friday morning unplugged and getting my hands dirty in the garden.  In the middle of the city.

Though it wasn’t intentional, I wore the perfect shoes for celebrating Obama’s reception of the Nobel Peace Prize.

Since these moccasins worked so well during my wilderness adventure, I thought they’d probably fare just as well in an urban garden.  They’re pretty amazing.  More amazing is the Boston Day and Evening Academy.  My colleague and I spent the morning at the school, helping with their fall harvest.  They have the most amazing gardens, where students and community members come together in an active, outdoor classroom.

We weeded the strawberry patches, encountering many an earthworm and the occasional snail.  I can’t really do the experience justice, but it was a real gift to get out of the office for a morning and play in the dirt.

Peacing it in my Minnetonkas

Peacing it in my Minnetonkas

Fresh from the harvest!

Fresh from the harvest!

Carrots come from the ground!

Carrots come from the ground!

Also On Tap for Today:

  • Observe some baseball and some football (Go Sox, obvi.)
  • Pick up my number for tomorrow’s Tufts 10K for Women
  • Admire the Queen, who has reigned during the presidencies of 11 Americans

Where is your oasis in the city?  Do you have thyme to suggest how to use up a lot of fresh Rosemary?

Today: Thank you. Yes. You.

Hi, humans.

My weird little blog was featured on the WordPress homepage Friday, much to my surprise and pleasure (and possibly, to the Universe’s dismay).  When Al Gore “invented the internet,” I’m sure he intended it to be used for more important purposes than my rambling about the time I went camping, or how much I love Chanel mascara.  Still, I am thankful to have a little place to call my own in cyberspace and appreciate the opportunity to share my thoughts– both well informed and ill-informed, silly and senseless, helpful and just plain ridiculous.  And cutting beers out of paper has been really good for improving my hand-eye coordination.

If you clicked over here for the first time yesterday, thank you.  And if you’ve know me forever and I tricked you into visiting my blog and you continue to pop over here, I have to question your judgment… but mostly, thank you.

Today: Read on Memory Lane

MeatballsWe are compiling a list at work, featuring our “must read” books for kids, inspired by our own literary childhoods.  With Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs (one of my all-time favorites) and Where the Wild Things Are hitting the theatres, now’s a great time to get nostalgic.

Here are a few picks from my list:

Anne of Green Gables collection, L.M. Montgomery: I wanted to be a red-headed orphan on PEI, with a kindred spirit living nearby and a dying adopted father whose last name sounded like custard.  Except for the orphan/dying parent part.  Actually, I didn’t really want red hair either. I devoured these books, one after another.  My sister and I watched the movies on PBS more times than I should admit.

Where the Sidewalk Ends, Shel Silverstein: I will not go to school today, said little Peggy Ann McKay.  I have the measles and the mumps, a gash, a rash, and purple bumps.  Memorized that bad larry in fourth grade.  Some things just stick.  My bank account number? Can’t remember it because that corner of my brain is occupied by various S.Silverstein poems.

Three Days on a River in a Red Canoe, Vera B. Williams: I took LeVar Burton’s word for it and checked this book out of the Boyden Library the week it was featured on Reading Rainbow.  The illustrations are perfect.

From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, E.L. Konigsburg: I still daydream of being locked in the Met or the furniture collection at the MFA overnight, thanks to this awesome chapter book.

The Velveteen Rabbit, Margery Williams: I remember this book sending me into a spiraling six year old frenzy, worried that my having strep throat would result in all of our toys being burned in the back yard, only for them to come to life.  I think the coming to life part scared me more than the burning.  Regardless, TVR contains one of my most favorite exchanges of all time:

“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

The Frog and Toad collection, Arnold Lobel:  Our maternal grandfather was short and had round cheeks.  His older brother was, and is, much taller, with a lean face.  Both looked good in earth tones.  These books, especially Frog and Toad Together, reminded me of Grandpa and Uncle Mac.  I still think they’d probably like sitting on a log, talking about the season, or swimming, or a lost button.

Frog_and_toad_cover[Frog and Toad photo via wikipedia.org]

And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street, Dr. Seuss; and Blueberries for Sal and Make Way for Ducklings, Robert McClosky: My dad had this awesome leather chair.  We’d still in his lap, while he read to us–these titles in particular, possibly hundreds of times–in the old house.  I’m very lucky my parents read to us as much as they did.

You can check them all out at your local library, or at Amazon.com by clicking here.  Happy Reading!  I’m off to pick up my first BPL card at our local branch.  Man/woman, I love this city.

Also On Tap for Today:

  • Go for a run, but avoid that creepy street I mistakenly ran down last week
  • Make some soup!

What were your favorite books growing up?  And for those of you who, like me, loved Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs, what’s up with the 3D animation?  I wish the movie looked more like the book… sigh.  OK.  Bye!


Today: Do something trivial

tom selleckI’m not sure if you’ve ever been to trivia at a bar, but if you have, you can probably just go ahead and skip this post.  Come back in few days when I’ve thought of something else (equally, if not more, mundane) to write about.

Now that I’ve exclaimed that disclaimer, let’s talk trivia.  We won again this week.  I don’t really know how that happened, but I do know I got the question about Oscar Wilde right.  [This Irish writer was quoted as saying, "There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about."]  No offense, teammates, but this is clearly Wilde.  Keats?  Please.

Normally I get really excited for the French questions.  Last week I was all over haute couture, but when the question about a French pastry being named for its resemblance to lightning popped up, I had no idea what the heck the answer was.  La foudre?  Never eaten anything that remotely sounds like that.  Frankly, that sounds dégoûtante.  Apparently, the correct answer (which my teammates pulled through on) was eclaire.   And (not so) apparently, some French people call lightning… eclaire.

I totally got served when we tried to win full points on the guess the person section.  The trivia DJ (amazing job title) gives clues, with point values, to describe an individual.  The first clue has the highest point value and the later (and presumably more obvious) clues have lower values.  I tried to cash in the highest point value on a one Mr. Bill Cosby.  The clue immediately following my bounding up to the DJ with that answer was, “This person turned down an offer to play Indiana Jones in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.”  Clearly, I was doomed.  Incidentally, the correct answer was Tom Selleck.

We managed to pull off the comeback of the century (it’s all relative, my friends) and left on a winning streak.  You only need to win twice in a row to call it a streak, right?

Also On Tap for Today:

  • Survive back-to-back-to-back meetings on a Monday morning
  • Find the cord that connects my digital camera to my digital computer
  • Make plans for Kristine’s visit later this week!

Do you have any suggestions for trivia team names?  Have you ever mistaken Tom Selleck for Bill Cosby or vice versa?  And does it annoy you when people say vice-ah-verse-ah?